What to Say During an Intervention

An intervention is a very sacred and delicate space to be held for someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Emotions can run high when you and your family have reached this last resort in a person’s life, and it is often an extremely sensitive occasion.

Interventions can sometimes feel like a balancing act, as you must be straightforward without unintentionally pushing the addicted person further away. During an intervention, it’s very important to choose your words wisely to allow the person in need to truly grasp your loving concern for their well-being as you urge them toward getting help.

Staging an intervention is an intricate process and should be supervised by a mental health professional. The interventionist will help guide you and your family through each of the important pieces of preparing and executing a successful intervention.

Understanding that your words can make or break the receptiveness of the addicted person is imperative, but we often find that people are very unsure of what to say during an intervention. We’ve put together some tips to help you craft your intervention letters based on common intervention scripts, and we’ve also provided some do’s and don’ts of successful interventions.

Writing an Intervention Letter

People involved in an intervention often go through many difficult emotions. For this reason, it can be very helpful if each person involved writes a letter to serve as a guide of what to communicate during the intervention. The letter can help to keep your focus, control your emotions and ensure that you say everything that you would like to say.

Structuring your intervention letter correctly is a crucial element. Mapping out your conversation points and having an orderly script to follow can help the intervention flow in an effective way. Always include these points in your letters:

1. Lead with affection. This is the most constructive way to open your part of the discussion. It’s important to help the person feel that you believe in them and that you are not trying to attack or judge them.

2. Be specific and persuasive with the facts about their behavior and how it affects you. Come prepared with multiple examples of detailed incidents that have been disruptive to your life.

3. Express how their actions have affected you as well as their health. Most people facing addiction to drugs or alcohol have not considered your feelings, the impact of their usage or the health problems associated with the chemicals they are putting into their bodies. You can also share that you have spent time learning about addiction and understand that addiction is a disease.

4. Explain and outline the treatment options you and your family have arranged for them. You can share with them what you have learned about how treatment can help. Give them as much helpful information as possible about their accommodations and how the addiction treatment program works. Be sure to ease their mind about how money and time off from work or school will be handled.

5. Issue an ultimatum and set of consequences that will occur if they refuse treatment. This can include how your relationship will change, how you will no longer enable them and how treatment is the only way to keep your relationship intact.

6. Always end with positive reinforcement about addiction treatment options, and leave them with the understanding that you’re offering full support for their recovery.

What To Say During an Intervention

Words are very powerful, and they have the ability to create or destroy. It is very important to put the right words together and use them at the right time. Most addicts feel very depressed, alone and unworthy. Reminding them of their worth can set the tone for the intervention. There are some key expressions to include in your letter that can help foster encouragement and motivation to get help, such as:

1.“I love you.”

Sharing your feelings of love can demonstrate your genuine support and concern for the addict. Saying “I love you” can send the message that you believe in them and will continue to remain a support throughout their journey. These three words can show your vulnerability and let your loved one know that you are there during the hard times ahead.

2. “I believe in you.”

People with addiction may have lost belief in themselves, and they may not believe that they can get better. They may feel that they are trapped in this cycle of addiction. When you share with your loved one that you believe in them, it can give them some hope and motivation. It is important that you let your loved one know that you believe they can find the strength to recover from addiction and find happiness in life.

3. “You are valuable to our family, and we are thankful for your life.”

Let your loved one know why they’re important to you. You can share some good memories that are a reminder of how things can be in the family if they get help. Expressing gratitude for the person can further strengthen your bond and the support you provide, and it offers encouragement for going into treatment.

4. “I am worried about you, our family, our children, your well-being, etc.”

Use heartfelt words to demonstrate your deep concern about the addict’s physical and mental health. You can provide real examples of how the addiction is also affecting other people in the family, such as children. It can be an opportunity to share how getting help for addiction can help their loved ones who are also hurting.

5. “I am here for you, and I support you in getting treatment and working toward recovery.”

It is very important to clearly express how you plan to be there for your loved ones throughout the recovery process. Addiction and recovery can feel very lonely and scary, but when you offer your support, it can make the thought of getting help less overwhelming for the addict.

6. “You can get better.”

Explain to your loved one that they have a disease but can recover with treatment. You can show your understanding of the difficulties they may have experienced in the past when trying to stop using substances. Help them see that just like other diseases, addiction is treatable, and they can get better.

7. “Addiction treatment works, and we found one that is perfect for you.”

Explain to your loved one that many people do find help and live better lives because they went to treatment for addiction. Share with your loved one the details of the specific treatment program you arranged and how you will help get them to the program.

How To Approach Someone With an Alcohol or Drug Abuse Problem

Make sure your intention is coming from a place of love, support and compassion. This will serve as a great foundation to help you get the right message across.

Remember that when you band together as a family unit, you are taking a large step in the direction of helping the addicted person have a chance at a better life. Each person on the team should have a script prepared and in hand. Have your intervention letter on paper in front of you so you can read it and stay on track with everything you wish to express.

Be prepared to listen and give the person space to understand and work through your reasoning. Be ready for objections and resistance, and have solutions ready for excuses and denial.

What NOT To Say During an Intervention

1. Don’t make excuses for the drug or alcohol problem or try to rationalize any part of their addiction.

It’s important that the person struggling with addiction can clearly understand the consequences of their behavior and actions. They need to recognize that they need help and that people, including themselves, need to stop making excuses for the addiction.

2. Don’t use “you” excessively. 

Try to start most of your statements with “I” instead of “you.” The “I” statements will help your words to come across with less blame and will help to decrease any defensiveness the person may feel.

3. Don’t use foul language or name-calling. 

Try to avoid using harsh words and watch your tone of voice as you are reading your letter. Try to control your emotions, and keep your voice at an even tone and volume. It will help your loved one to see that you are coming from a thoughtful place of loving concern.

4. Exclude people from the intervention team that may adversely affect the gathering.

It’s important that people in attendance at the intervention have a desire and intent to help their loved one move toward treatment. Consider the type of relationship and communication style of the people there. Negative people may derail the efforts of the intervention.

5. Don’t spend all your time on the problem. 

Try to be solution-driven in your petitions. Demonstrate to your loved one how getting help can bring positive solutions and make life better.

6. Don’t bluff with your consequences or skip explaining that there will be a change of relationship should they refuse treatment.

Your loved one should understand that there will be clear consequences in life if they refuse help. Clearly describe only true and intended consequences.

Finding Help for Your Loved One

Before beginning the intervention process, it is important to research treatment options available to your loved one. Having a clear understanding of this information will help you to better communicate the need for treatment and encourage your loved one to begin treatment.

The Recovery Village Ridgefield offers treatment for many different drug and alcohol addictions and co-occurring mental health disorders. We provide individualized treatment options through a full continuum of care, with programs that include:

• Medical detox
• Medication-assisted treatment
• Inpatient rehab
• Outpatient rehab
• Telehealth options

The Recovery Village Ridgefield also has many amenities available, including:

• Culinary staff
• Designated smoking areas
• Beautiful mountain views
• Housekeeping

The Recovery Village Ridgefield is an in-network provider for a range of insurance companies, including America’s Choice, First Choice and Aetna. Learn more about the insurance accepted by visiting the insurance page or contacting us.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, our experts are here to help. Contact us today to learn more about addiction treatment programs that can work well for your situation.